Random Throughts

It's been awhile since I used this platform to write. I've done most of my online journaling on CaringBridge www.caringbridge.org/visit/CynthiaWhite this last year has been quite the journey, one I never wanted to take. There have been many times I've not posted because the raw emotions and anguish were overwhelming, and as much as I was afraid of exposing myself, I was also afraid of the backlash of good intentioned advice. I'm ashamed of the times in the past that I glibly gave a pat answer of "It'll be okay", sometimes those words feel like nails on chalkboard to me now.
A new friend of ours wrote a blog entry about there being worse things than cancer that echoed many of my same thoughts. Yes, truly cancer is really really bad, yet there are worse things. God has brought to mind so many situations that are worse especially as Loren reads aloud to the children about the Christian martyrs. Our life on planet earth is so fleeting, we need to make sure that we use it to God's glory and look forward to eternity in Heaven.
Last month I was invited to participate in a Beth Moore Bible Study on the book of James, we are starting week 3 right now and it is good yet really hard. Last night's video focused a lot on the words Anguish and Joy and the concept that they can coexist, they can trade places and there is a transformation from anguish into joy (think of childbirth). As a home birthing mom and certified Doula, I can definitely relate to the childbirth analogies from the Bible. This last year being a caregiver to a child with cancer there has been many times of anguish, yet in the middle of the worst times God has placed someone in our path. The phone call from a friend saying they just couldn't get us off their mind, the friends who dropped by the hospital during the 11 hour+ surgery. The text messages with a Bible verse and the friend who just happened to be in clinic when we got the last really devastating scan results. I know there are many who have shook their heads in sorrow at the choices we have taken along this path, believe me I wish I could revisit some decisions as well, hind sight is always 20/20. I'm thankful for the support network that has surrounded us with love and support. It continually amazes us at the far reaching way God has touched other peoples lives through Cynthia's story, she has received cards from all over the States and several other countries. Seeing the collection of prayer quilts is a visual reminder that many people are on their knees in prayer for her and us. How can the world not be a better place from just knowing that. Believe me when I say that  I have felt those prayers and they have carried me when I did not have the strength on my own.
This may be disjointed but it is on my heart. Yesterday I read a blog and the mom said she felt more welcome at the local health food store than she did at church and then this morning another friend blogged about the church people pointing fingers like porcupine quills. I had woke up in the middle of the night, mainly because the dog was barking at the raccoon, and was thinking about how some sins are more visible than others. How do we react to the people with the more visible sins? Are we ready to condemn them for their mistakes, when our condemning them is as great a sin? How many have our churches turned away when we should have  reaching out to them?

Do people really know we care about them? Do we listen to that prompting of the Holy Spirit or do we let the "busy"ness of life keep us from our mission field?