Random Throughts

It's been awhile since I used this platform to write. I've done most of my online journaling on CaringBridge www.caringbridge.org/visit/CynthiaWhite this last year has been quite the journey, one I never wanted to take. There have been many times I've not posted because the raw emotions and anguish were overwhelming, and as much as I was afraid of exposing myself, I was also afraid of the backlash of good intentioned advice. I'm ashamed of the times in the past that I glibly gave a pat answer of "It'll be okay", sometimes those words feel like nails on chalkboard to me now.
A new friend of ours wrote a blog entry about there being worse things than cancer that echoed many of my same thoughts. Yes, truly cancer is really really bad, yet there are worse things. God has brought to mind so many situations that are worse especially as Loren reads aloud to the children about the Christian martyrs. Our life on planet earth is so fleeting, we need to make sure that we use it to God's glory and look forward to eternity in Heaven.
Last month I was invited to participate in a Beth Moore Bible Study on the book of James, we are starting week 3 right now and it is good yet really hard. Last night's video focused a lot on the words Anguish and Joy and the concept that they can coexist, they can trade places and there is a transformation from anguish into joy (think of childbirth). As a home birthing mom and certified Doula, I can definitely relate to the childbirth analogies from the Bible. This last year being a caregiver to a child with cancer there has been many times of anguish, yet in the middle of the worst times God has placed someone in our path. The phone call from a friend saying they just couldn't get us off their mind, the friends who dropped by the hospital during the 11 hour+ surgery. The text messages with a Bible verse and the friend who just happened to be in clinic when we got the last really devastating scan results. I know there are many who have shook their heads in sorrow at the choices we have taken along this path, believe me I wish I could revisit some decisions as well, hind sight is always 20/20. I'm thankful for the support network that has surrounded us with love and support. It continually amazes us at the far reaching way God has touched other peoples lives through Cynthia's story, she has received cards from all over the States and several other countries. Seeing the collection of prayer quilts is a visual reminder that many people are on their knees in prayer for her and us. How can the world not be a better place from just knowing that. Believe me when I say that  I have felt those prayers and they have carried me when I did not have the strength on my own.
This may be disjointed but it is on my heart. Yesterday I read a blog and the mom said she felt more welcome at the local health food store than she did at church and then this morning another friend blogged about the church people pointing fingers like porcupine quills. I had woke up in the middle of the night, mainly because the dog was barking at the raccoon, and was thinking about how some sins are more visible than others. How do we react to the people with the more visible sins? Are we ready to condemn them for their mistakes, when our condemning them is as great a sin? How many have our churches turned away when we should have  reaching out to them?

Do people really know we care about them? Do we listen to that prompting of the Holy Spirit or do we let the "busy"ness of life keep us from our mission field?

Finally some pictures

Finally putting up some pictures from some trips we took a few weeks ago.Kids take a break from from geocaching; Cynthia and Rebecca pose with a geocache in Florence, MS; Jesse finds a nano geocache in Vicksburg. MS. John really gets into his tower building more than geocaching!

Long time no write

I've thought a couple of time about writing, but never actually made it over to the dashboard to write.
It seems that unless I consciously slow down life is just rushing past. Homeschooling and all the possible extracurricular activities keep one pretty busy. I actually laugh now when people mention socialization as a problem with homeschooling. If we took advantage of all the opportunities for socialization, we wouldn't get any homeschooling done.
We try to get all, or most of, our lessons done in the morning. We have a homeschool PE class on Mondays and Wednesdays afternoons, which the children LOVE. Sometimes it helps concentration if I mention that all lessons need to be completed before we leave!
Cynthia is still going to American Heritage Girls. They meet in Clinton twice a month. Jesse started Cub Scouts, he's a Wolf this year, and Loren is his Leader. My Eagle Scout husband is back in uniform! They meet weekly less than 5 minutes from our house, which is a blessing.
We've been doing a geography and sign language co-op once a month that is really interesting. The children will be presenting a couple of songs they have learned the signs for at the Christmas program in December. In January our family will be presenting the country of Canada.
I've been keeping up with Flylady lately and even though my house is still far from perfect it is so much better and I am happier. Who would have thought that waking up to a clean kitchen and sparkling sink would make so much difference.
Enjoy this day, this first Monday in November. Stop and enjoy your family and reach out in kindness to someone :)

Whirlwind

Lately it feels that my life is a whirlwind. Too many things claiming my time, too much to do. We leave for Canada in 13 days and how in the world am I going to be ready?

Hello World

I have thought at least a hundred posts in my head and they have been discarded before my fingers hit the keyboard. I've been feeling very vulnerable and some of the topics for my would be posts were too personal. I kept thinking, well I really don't know if I would want this person finding out I wrote that, or thought that. I've been really praying about family situations that are once again too personal for public display.
Another thing is that Rebecca is now a toddler and walking and getting into everything. She has a co-conspirator in crime too, he sure does egg her on. They get into some rolling wrestling matches and I'm always amazed how she can hold her own against John. All that doesn't exactly allow for uninterrupted thinking and blogging time, but even that might not matter if I didn't want to just log in to Facebook...
Maybe I'm just trying to make up excuses for my laziness and procrastination.
It has been nonstop since we returned from our trip to Canada. We are currently doing a PE program at the Baptist HealthPlex. Cynthia, Jesse and John are rotating between the pool, court and Energym room. I had thought I could walk on the track but I was kicked off because of Rebecca in my sling. When they said no children on the track, I wanted to say, but she's not on the track, she's on me. Oh well! A friend was sweet enough to give up the comforts of indoor walking to walk around the parking lot with me.
Rebecca has her top front tooth coming through, she's now 17 months old and has her third tooth! Rebecca and I stayed up at the church Friday night with the Youth LockIn. Teenagers + coffee + sugar = very little sleep, but I think they had a fun time. We woke up in the morning to find one of the back rooms flooded in the church, not fun.
Being called away, nice chatting with you.

Revival

TIMES OF REFRESHING

Homecoming/Revival October 19-22, 2008

AT DANIEL MEMORIAL BAPTIST CHURCH

3784 Terry Road

Jackson, MS

601-376-4100

Services Monday through Wednesday 7 pm.
Dinner on the grounds Sunday 12 Noon
Refreshments after each service
Youth Fellowship: 8 pm Wednesday

Nursery provided for children four years old and under

Former pastors and worship leaders are coming back

for a time of spiritual uplifting and fellowship.

Sunday AM - Lawrence Baylot
Sunday PM - Dennis Smith
Monday PM - Gary White
Tuesday PM - Steve Potts
Wednesday PM - Youth Emphasis with Byron Lee Malone

First Tooth

Rebecca has her first tooth! One of her bottom front teeth appeared through the gum on Monday. Exactly 13 months old and she has her first tooth!
We drove to TX Friday and came back Monday night. We sat on I20 in traffic as the bridge across the MS river was closed for over 2 1/2 hours. The children mostly slept through it but we didn't get home until 3:30am, can you say caffeine needed!?
I have a sick child today, stomach virus, and I'm praying it doesn't go through the whole family.

sounds of falling...

I don't think I'll ever get used to the sound of a tree falling. I have goosebumps on my arms as I type this. A huge tree just fell across the street in my neighbor's yard, thankfully it missed the houses! I'm going to try and get pictures tomorrow. Loren went over to check it out with my neighbor. He said that he hadn't seen such a large rotten center.

Computer woes

As I type this from dear husband's borrowed laptop, I'm waiting for someone to come and look at our lifeless computer. We think it is the power supply, praying that I haven't lost any data! Friday afternoon i was scanning something and had to go outside with the children. When I came back in the computer was dead!

Fire Ants

We've had our first big fire ant attic. John's little foot is covered in dozens of bites (I want to say hundreds but that would be exaggerating). it just seems like hundreds with him screaming and how much cortisone was applied. We had arrived home from doing a quick banking trip, John had spilled yogurt in the van and on his leg and foot. I set him on the ground and urged him to go inside the house while I got the mess cleaned up. He got distracted with his tricycle and the next thing I knew he is screaming saying his 'bike hurt him'. I'm thinking he scraped his foot on the pavement. I looked and it was red but I didn't see anything, no ants, no blood. I remember him trying to get me to kiss it and I said I would blow a kiss because his feet were too dirty!
About an hour later he is crying and I see welts covering his entire foot and up his ankle. Poor little guy. It was then he told me about the ants. I don't remember him saying anything about ants. But something could have been lost in the screaming.

Birthday

My Jesse turns 6 today. Happy Birthday to my sweet boy! It seems unreal that just 6 short years ago he was my little (big) 9 lb baby. He's grown in so many ways. He is kind and considerate, although we do have some sibling rivalry at times. He is my cuddle bear, lovable on the inside and out! He loves his family but most importantly he loves God! Jesse, grow strong physically, intellectually, morally and spiritually. I'm proud of you.

Good News

Loren called me at lunch excited with good news to share. He had a manuscript accepted, with minor revisions, to the Journal of Applied Meteorology and Climatology. This is good news as he is working on his application for tenure. It has also been quite a few years since anyone in the Department has had an article published in this journal. I'm so proud of him.

Other good news, I am in the process of transferring my volunteer financial responsibilities. The process is a lot of work and once it is finished I'll breathe a big sigh of relief and look to new horizons.

Rebecca, my little one year old, is holding onto my fingers and taking steps. Oh, she's growing up so fast. I'm beginning to wonder about how many comments I get that she is SO small, I think she's just perfect. Everyone has their opinion.

coupons

Things that make you go hmm. I had an interesting trip to the grocery store. The store was sold out of the reusable bags, so I had some unhappy children as I put back the 3 bags of Doritos. Pepsi had a deal where you bought 3 products you got a free bag in honor of Earth Day.
At the checkout I also discovered that my Kroger doesn't accept computer printed coupons any more. It wouldn't have been such a big deal, but the clerk really made me feel like a thief. Funny how different tones make words sound different. We can not accept THESE coupons. My first thought was, WHAT, I *know* I checked all the expiration dates. I've had no problem on past trips. I asked the clerk if it was a new policy and she said, "Our company has never accepted THESE type of coupons." I was tired and in a rush trying to get back so Loren can keep the children and I make my dental appointment. I had hungry cranky children (remember the ones who were not happy about the Doritos..) Plus there were 2 church members in the store in nearby lanes. Must keep my Christian witness. Looking on the positive side, I guess I will be saving myself some ink. There are really a lot of good coupon deals online like here and here.

Update on my dental visit, Loren had a meeting that ran late so I ended up taking all 4 children with me. Rebecca started crying when the receptionist offered to hold her so I ended up nursing Rebecca in the chair while the other 3 squeezed onto the bench and colored. Guess what! The crown did not fit for the third time. I almost wanted to cry, Rebecca cried for me, she really didn't like them messing with my mouth. Loren did arrive at the clinic and took the children. Good thing because the dentist had to really work at getting it to fit. I'm still not quite back to normal, hopefully I'll adjust to it soon.

Blogs I read

I discovered this blog a couple of months ago, Be Thrifty Like Us, and have it in my blog reader. They are a husband/wife blogging team who blog about being thrifty and various free or rebate items they discover. It takes a lot of legwork out of searching for deals. Today is their Bloggy Giveaway and I'm linking to them to enter :-) It's always fun to get freebies.

A Weight Lifted

A big volunteer job I've held for the last 3 1/4 years is leaving my plate. I made my decision official today in a committee meeting and guess what, someone stepped up to the plate. I was honest about the job and how much work it entails. We also found someone who'll do the conference treasurer job, I've been doing both for the past 2 conferences and really they are 2 big jobs. I've burnt out on conference and even though it is going on right now and for the next 2 days, I've not even made plans to attend any sessions. I'll pop in and out to do deposits and socialize a bit, but that is as far as I'm going. One of the attendees was almost jumping up and down in excitement at hearing our speaker, and I'm just so unmoved. A weight has been lifted and I feel so good.

Taxes filed and tree pictures

Ahh, the feeling of relief. We did a final review of our taxes and filed last night and we are getting a refund from Federal, but we owe a bit to the State. It works out positive in the end, so it's a happy ending. We'll be paying down our credit card debt that was acquired in the need to remove that mammoth oak tree in the yard last fall. After the straight-line winds and tornadoes of last week, I am so very glad that tree was gone.
I'm finally uploading a few pictures of the tree removal. Cynthia had fun taking pictures, we have a minute by minute update of the tree (almost 300 pictures), especially the stump grinding. Although I have to admit the process was pretty fascinating, half my neighbors stood outside and watched. When the top 8 feet of the tree came down the house shook, they said that section weighed about 2000 lbs. When the last 20 feet came down my neighbors down the block said their house shook too. Can you see the clouds of dust in the picture?






Daniel Baptist will be holding their Vacation Bible School on July 13-17 in cooperation with New Vineyard Church. The theme will be a Judean Village. We were supposed to be out of town, but we are currently trying to rearrange our schedules to be back in time for VBS.

Good Cause

I had an interesting experience going through the drive thru of Trustmark today. I was depositing a reimbursement check for the La Leche League conference and the teller thanked me then raised her hand in the air like a victory sign and said "Good Cause! Have a great day."
I left smiling and had a great grocery shopping trip at Kroger, except I left without my 1.00 coupon from the catalina. Oh, well, I still saved 41%.

Providence

I'm crossing things off my to do list and getting caught up while Rebecca is napping, I've had this post on my to do list all week.
Last Sunday we arrived at church with a few minutes to spare before Sunday School. We parked on the side of the church closest to the playground because the children wanted to go in down the stairs, most people park behind the church which has wheelchair access. We realized that we left the package of wipes sitting on the high chair in the kitchen. Loren had used the last one in the diaper bag on a diaper change on Wednesday night while I was in choir practice. Our church nursery doesn't have wipes so we were wondering whether to drive home and get our package. We only live 3 miles, instead of nearly 20, from church but we didn't want to miss any Sunday School either. It was a matter of, do we take the chance of not needing wipes on 2 children for 3 hours? I had just said to Loren, if you really want to get them go ahead, it's your decision (put it off on hubby teehee), when.... this car appears beside us and Ms. Peggy is motioning me over to the driver's side and she handed me a bag. Inside the bag was a package of size 3 diapers AND a small package of wipes. God truly cares for us and watches over the smallest details of our lives.
It amazes me over and over how He shows up in our lives when we are watching for Him!

Farmer's Market

Oh, Spring is in the air and I have Farmer's Market fever!
Cynthia and I headed off just after 8 am to have a girls morning out. We first stopped at the Mississippi Farmers' Market on High Street. They are a producers only market and I love supporting local farmers. We've been buying produce from Ric for a few years now, although I really haven't been going the last year. Not that I've really been home alot in the last year!
Ric is selling free range eggs, beautiful flowers, unique bags of spring lettuce and edible flowers and the best jams and jellies I've tasted.
We also bought beets and "free-range" lettuce from Steve of Hixon's Farms ( I believe). I had to know the story behind that marketing slogan. I've heard of free range eggs but never lettuce.
We also sampled different types of Humus by Pattie and came home with Roasted Eggplant, and a Black Bean Humus for running a favor for her. Pattie lives in the neighborhood and we joked about having to go to market to chat. Pattie has this sauce called "Come back" it has quite a bit of kick to it, and I see it could be very addictive.
Cynthia and I stopped by the Belhaven Market but we didn't buy anything as I spent my fresh produce budget at the other market.
Well, we are off to the NatureFest at the Natural Science Museum where we are going to test drive a kayak from Buffalo Peak. See you soon, maybe a bit wetter too!!

Yeah!

Only a mom will understand my excitement that my John is potty trained (ing?). I had despaired that he would give up diapers, but really how many college students need diapers? He decided Monday morning and we've only had 2 accidents since then. He tells me every time and I'm just so excited and proud.
Last night we went on a slug hunt, wow, I knew we had a slug problem as my garden was disappearing but I didn't realize how many slugs you could collect. The children and I had cups of bleach and flashlights, John got pretty excited when he found one. The biggest ones were actually near the cat food dishes.
We drove to a breastfeeding support meeting tonight and I drove through some of the storm damage. The children were oohing and wowing over the massive trees still on houses. Old Canton Road is lined with piles of debris.
Rebecca is taking a couple of steps while holding my fingers, can you believe my baby turns one next Saturday? Where did the year go? Oh yeah, I spent most of it travelling in AZ and Eastern Canada.
Next week is our big conference, Breastfeeding: The Gold Standard with Dr Nils Bergmann and Dr Rebecca Saenz. Thursday night they are showing The Business of Being Born
from 10pm to midnight, a $5.00 donation is suggested for the general public, but it is included in registration for conference attendees. On some levels I'll be happy for the conference to be finished, it is a lot of work.