Random Throughts

It's been awhile since I used this platform to write. I've done most of my online journaling on CaringBridge www.caringbridge.org/visit/CynthiaWhite this last year has been quite the journey, one I never wanted to take. There have been many times I've not posted because the raw emotions and anguish were overwhelming, and as much as I was afraid of exposing myself, I was also afraid of the backlash of good intentioned advice. I'm ashamed of the times in the past that I glibly gave a pat answer of "It'll be okay", sometimes those words feel like nails on chalkboard to me now.
A new friend of ours wrote a blog entry about there being worse things than cancer that echoed many of my same thoughts. Yes, truly cancer is really really bad, yet there are worse things. God has brought to mind so many situations that are worse especially as Loren reads aloud to the children about the Christian martyrs. Our life on planet earth is so fleeting, we need to make sure that we use it to God's glory and look forward to eternity in Heaven.
Last month I was invited to participate in a Beth Moore Bible Study on the book of James, we are starting week 3 right now and it is good yet really hard. Last night's video focused a lot on the words Anguish and Joy and the concept that they can coexist, they can trade places and there is a transformation from anguish into joy (think of childbirth). As a home birthing mom and certified Doula, I can definitely relate to the childbirth analogies from the Bible. This last year being a caregiver to a child with cancer there has been many times of anguish, yet in the middle of the worst times God has placed someone in our path. The phone call from a friend saying they just couldn't get us off their mind, the friends who dropped by the hospital during the 11 hour+ surgery. The text messages with a Bible verse and the friend who just happened to be in clinic when we got the last really devastating scan results. I know there are many who have shook their heads in sorrow at the choices we have taken along this path, believe me I wish I could revisit some decisions as well, hind sight is always 20/20. I'm thankful for the support network that has surrounded us with love and support. It continually amazes us at the far reaching way God has touched other peoples lives through Cynthia's story, she has received cards from all over the States and several other countries. Seeing the collection of prayer quilts is a visual reminder that many people are on their knees in prayer for her and us. How can the world not be a better place from just knowing that. Believe me when I say that  I have felt those prayers and they have carried me when I did not have the strength on my own.
This may be disjointed but it is on my heart. Yesterday I read a blog and the mom said she felt more welcome at the local health food store than she did at church and then this morning another friend blogged about the church people pointing fingers like porcupine quills. I had woke up in the middle of the night, mainly because the dog was barking at the raccoon, and was thinking about how some sins are more visible than others. How do we react to the people with the more visible sins? Are we ready to condemn them for their mistakes, when our condemning them is as great a sin? How many have our churches turned away when we should have  reaching out to them?

Do people really know we care about them? Do we listen to that prompting of the Holy Spirit or do we let the "busy"ness of life keep us from our mission field?

Finally some pictures

Finally putting up some pictures from some trips we took a few weeks ago.Kids take a break from from geocaching; Cynthia and Rebecca pose with a geocache in Florence, MS; Jesse finds a nano geocache in Vicksburg. MS. John really gets into his tower building more than geocaching!

Long time no write

I've thought a couple of time about writing, but never actually made it over to the dashboard to write.
It seems that unless I consciously slow down life is just rushing past. Homeschooling and all the possible extracurricular activities keep one pretty busy. I actually laugh now when people mention socialization as a problem with homeschooling. If we took advantage of all the opportunities for socialization, we wouldn't get any homeschooling done.
We try to get all, or most of, our lessons done in the morning. We have a homeschool PE class on Mondays and Wednesdays afternoons, which the children LOVE. Sometimes it helps concentration if I mention that all lessons need to be completed before we leave!
Cynthia is still going to American Heritage Girls. They meet in Clinton twice a month. Jesse started Cub Scouts, he's a Wolf this year, and Loren is his Leader. My Eagle Scout husband is back in uniform! They meet weekly less than 5 minutes from our house, which is a blessing.
We've been doing a geography and sign language co-op once a month that is really interesting. The children will be presenting a couple of songs they have learned the signs for at the Christmas program in December. In January our family will be presenting the country of Canada.
I've been keeping up with Flylady lately and even though my house is still far from perfect it is so much better and I am happier. Who would have thought that waking up to a clean kitchen and sparkling sink would make so much difference.
Enjoy this day, this first Monday in November. Stop and enjoy your family and reach out in kindness to someone :)

Whirlwind

Lately it feels that my life is a whirlwind. Too many things claiming my time, too much to do. We leave for Canada in 13 days and how in the world am I going to be ready?

Hello World

I have thought at least a hundred posts in my head and they have been discarded before my fingers hit the keyboard. I've been feeling very vulnerable and some of the topics for my would be posts were too personal. I kept thinking, well I really don't know if I would want this person finding out I wrote that, or thought that. I've been really praying about family situations that are once again too personal for public display.
Another thing is that Rebecca is now a toddler and walking and getting into everything. She has a co-conspirator in crime too, he sure does egg her on. They get into some rolling wrestling matches and I'm always amazed how she can hold her own against John. All that doesn't exactly allow for uninterrupted thinking and blogging time, but even that might not matter if I didn't want to just log in to Facebook...
Maybe I'm just trying to make up excuses for my laziness and procrastination.
It has been nonstop since we returned from our trip to Canada. We are currently doing a PE program at the Baptist HealthPlex. Cynthia, Jesse and John are rotating between the pool, court and Energym room. I had thought I could walk on the track but I was kicked off because of Rebecca in my sling. When they said no children on the track, I wanted to say, but she's not on the track, she's on me. Oh well! A friend was sweet enough to give up the comforts of indoor walking to walk around the parking lot with me.
Rebecca has her top front tooth coming through, she's now 17 months old and has her third tooth! Rebecca and I stayed up at the church Friday night with the Youth LockIn. Teenagers + coffee + sugar = very little sleep, but I think they had a fun time. We woke up in the morning to find one of the back rooms flooded in the church, not fun.
Being called away, nice chatting with you.